I: God she had that laugh that made you wonder whether you woke up because you had to or because you wanted to.
II: She had a smile that made you want to overlook everything bad that ever happened in your life.
III: She paraded around with battle scarred arms, never trying to hide them because they showcased the war she fought with herself.
IV: And of course I was a sure fool to try and think I could love her, that I could tame her wild heart."
I: I know I said I’d never do this again but I can’t seem to shake all these fucking voices in my head.
II: And I can’t let anyone in because opening up is considered a sin.
III: My mother always told me to stay away from strangers and to come straight home.
IV: My dad said I should always cross the street of I felt someone was following me.
V: Sometimes there are no signs, no sixth sense to warn you.
VI: He wasn’t a stranger like they said he’d be. He didn’t come jumping out of a bush when he was ready for me."
I: The voices in my head telling me I won’t make it.
II: The lump in my throat when I try not to cry.
III: The ache in my chest when I try to tell myself that I will be okay."
I am five.
My mother tells me I can not go everywhere with my brothers because they do not want me there.
I am nine.
I know how to become invisible so others don’t have to feel uncomfortable.
I am eleven.
I know what its like to say no but for the words to get lost from the moment they leave my lips and reach his ears.
I am thirteen.
When I pick up my first razor and forget that I am only suppose to use it for shaving.
I am sixteen.
I cannot stop hurting myself because it is the only way I know how to live.